November - No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps

So, I have to admit, I got this book from Christianbook.com because it was only a dollar with free shipping. This book was on clearance and was a book that got my attention with its cover and title. I was hesitant and was skeptical.

Paul Coughlin was a football coach. You can tell from the way he wrote this book. No muss, no fuss. To the point and very honest. He has also written No more Christian Nice Guy, and Married but Not Engaged.

In No more Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps, Coughlin first targeted the adults. "They were told as children that nice boys and girls, especially Christian kids, don't exert their will, don't stand up and fight, and don't do conflict." Is it true for you? Is it true for your parents? "Turn your cheek, Jesus said." What does that mean? Where is that passage, anyway? 


Matthew 5:39

“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."

The two chapters, Matthew 5-7, spoken by Jesus, was to his Jewish followers about the their fellow brothers, Samaritans, and Roman authorities. Matthew 5:38-42, Jesus refers "slaps" to insults that we as Christians might receive gracefully. Here's a great article on this verse.

During my time in ministry, I always hear the phrases, "don't ruffle the feathers," and "quit making waves." Why? Especially when you are unreasonably, and unjustly treated by your own brothers and sisters in Christ.  According to Coughlin, "Refusing to make waves is not an indicator of a life well lived. Refusing to make waves is the sate that precedes drowning."

In Chapter 3, Overprotective parents, Underdeveloped Kids, the author gave a list to identify "helicopter parents". These parents

• interrupt their child often
• tell their child what to think and feel, even telling them that what they are currently thinking or feeling is wrong
• override their child's initiative
• abruptly changes topics of conversation
• tell their child to change his.her facial expression
• are only willing to discuss certain issues (39)

Sadly, helicopter behavior isn't only parental, it is also relational. Many of these parents have helicopter parents themselves, helicopter spouses, and even helicopter friends. Healthy boundaries, are very important in every relationship. God isn't a helicopter God. He is a loving God who continue a conversation (not a monologue), who gives and receives, who allows us to make our own decisions, make mistakes, and runs back to Him when we repent. 

Here's another great passage on page 198, 

• We parents must grasp this vital distinction. Forcing a kid to do the right thing is not the same as building courage in her, which in turns builds other qualities (like respect). In order for behavior to cultivate the young soil of courage in our children, it must be voluntary  not coercive.  They must first want to do the right thing, then receive encouragement to stay upon this gallant course, which means helping them handle fear.

I cannot force or coerce my children into doing things. I confess, I have done that out of desperation before. I hated not being in control of their sinful actions and behaviors. I can't make them repent, I can't make them feel bad for their sins, I can't force them to pray. But I have noticed, it is better to let the Holy Spirit do that job because I cannot go into their hearts and spirits and tug on them. I cannot be God to them and judge them. I can only be Jesus to them. Teach them, serve them, pray for them, and love them as Christ does. 

My philosophy in parenting is still being developed. The Lord has been gracious to me. He has been my mentor in this. Both my husband and I did not have great examples but God is our perfect Father. If you are thinking about having children, pregnant right now, have kids running around, or have grand kids running around, one advice: keep reading and do not get lazy. 

Proverbs 4:24-27

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth,
And put perverse lips far from you.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
And your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Remove your foot from evil.

I give this book a 4 out of 5. It was an interesting read. I liked it because it challenged me to look at my parenting and watch for ways to build up my children to be courageous and chivalrous. Pick it up, you might like it, you might hate it.

JoJo